"Bad things happen when good people do nothing"
This talk about standing up for what is right is not new. I have always been meek and not want to get in trouble but I think I am ready to stand up for myself and fight for what is right. I think I am ready to face anyone who will try to undermine or bully me. This is going to be difficult because I am not the kind of person that likes a win-win situation. I am actually the kind that doesn't like a situation at all.
I realise that by not doing anything I am giving other people the permission to do what I think is wrong. Integrity means being honest to ones' moral convictions. I am a Christian and I condemn what is morally wrong, the actions but not the person. When I see something and not speak up about it, no one will know and everyone will assume that there is no problem.
God is a just God. He doesn't want us to be meek christians that says yes to everyone.
I will fan my flame into a blazing fire and stand up for the truth and His word.
Sunday, October 7, 2018
Friday, October 5, 2018
After a Few Years
I have no idea when it first started.
My words were taken out of me and it feels like for a few years I haven't been honest on my pledge to live "happily even after."
Yes, I am 33 years old now but in my heart I am still excited for life and where it will take me. There will be days that I'd be lonely but when I look at the past or my plans for the future, I can't help but sigh for the possibilities.
Let me start by saying that for the past few years that I haven't been writing in this blog I was deliciously (can I even say that?) happy.
2016 - was a year of "even ifs". I went all out and let my heart feel with an abandon of living one day at the time. I started having friends online because of aldub and actually met a few of them in real life. I started to write poems and stories, to get involved with peoples everyday lives, and just be a part of something bigger than who I am. I went to Gold Coast meeting a person I've never met before. I practically got out of my shell and become a doer. I had my first painful pep smear (because I am getting older). I took on more responsibility at work to fill me time. I hate to be idle. I started listening to Financial Guru's like Mad Fienist, JL Collins and Mr Money Mustache. I was 31 years old that time and I can't help but think that I was still young and I have all the world in the palm of my hands. How fast time is.
2017 - was a year of "just do it." I was afraid of a lot of things so going for an overseas trip for a month in 18 countries is a feat I was happy to overcome. It made me realise how small I am in a huge crowd of people. The opportunity of going to different places and meeting new people is amazing. This is also a year of me stepping out of my comfort zone. I love my job in Genemark but with Bei moving on with the 'Quality Managers role' I tried applying for the Research Tech job and I got it. I can't believe I got it. I have no idea why in the world they'd hire me. I try my best everyday to live up to my own expectation. I have high hopes for this job because it feels like for the first time I am doing something bigger than what I am. It scares me a lot and it still does but my blood boils just knowing that there will be answers at the end of the tunnel. I'd feel really brainy one minute and defeated the next. The is a whole wide world to explore and a whole wide universe to discover that's for sure.
2018 - this year I'd say is the year of "I can do better" This year is not even over yet but I have hopes and maybes that I'd like to accomplish. The first half of the year seems dragging with a lot of heavy heart and dramas. Work wasn't roses and daisies, the truth it, it was far from it. A lot of manipulation and power play in place and it just breaks my heart. February, I decided to join the church prayer and fasting and it opened up my heart to pray for my workplace. At first I joined because I want to hear from God. He showed me that I am in that place at that time because he was about to do something in my workplace. Phillip, the Diagnostics manager was gone after a few months. It didn't got any better but recently there is another restructure and it feels like things will go in a turn. M bovis was a huge thing in the New Zealand industry and in my workplace. A "big" thing, yea, let's leave it at that. This year, I also had the opportunity to travel to Japan. I'd really want to go back and visit a few other places I didn't get to go to. One thing I learned from the trip was - I wasn't a great shopper.
So yea, a few paragraphs of my life in a nutshell.
Where is my heart at the moment? -At some point I am very disheartened this year to the point where I could say I was actually depressed. I drag myself out of bed and I continuously cry every night (any time of the day rather). I felt alone and heavy. This tiny cloud left me a little bit but it's still there, a chip in my shoulder that wouldn't go. It feels like I am running in circles but not going anywhere. Is it worry, I wonder? Everyday I feel not good enough for anything. My sense of purpose is diminishing and this is not usually who I am. I am worried that my workplace has taken a toll on me. I don't want to lose my sparkle and happiness because one part of my life is dragging me down. Maybe, just maybe there is more than what it seems to be. I don't want to admit that with my singleness, no matter how happy I am, I'm beginning to be restless. Being restless is never a good thing and how to pass the hurdle of just living is something I want to discover before the year ends. I won't let this feeling drag me down. I opened this blog to remind me of the victories of the past. This is what this blog is all about, the beauty in pain. There is always spring after the cold winter nights. It is always the darkest before the first light. To encourage myself that if God has come through me, He will do it again.
My God then is still my God now.
My words were taken out of me and it feels like for a few years I haven't been honest on my pledge to live "happily even after."
Yes, I am 33 years old now but in my heart I am still excited for life and where it will take me. There will be days that I'd be lonely but when I look at the past or my plans for the future, I can't help but sigh for the possibilities.
Let me start by saying that for the past few years that I haven't been writing in this blog I was deliciously (can I even say that?) happy.
2016 - was a year of "even ifs". I went all out and let my heart feel with an abandon of living one day at the time. I started having friends online because of aldub and actually met a few of them in real life. I started to write poems and stories, to get involved with peoples everyday lives, and just be a part of something bigger than who I am. I went to Gold Coast meeting a person I've never met before. I practically got out of my shell and become a doer. I had my first painful pep smear (because I am getting older). I took on more responsibility at work to fill me time. I hate to be idle. I started listening to Financial Guru's like Mad Fienist, JL Collins and Mr Money Mustache. I was 31 years old that time and I can't help but think that I was still young and I have all the world in the palm of my hands. How fast time is.
2017 - was a year of "just do it." I was afraid of a lot of things so going for an overseas trip for a month in 18 countries is a feat I was happy to overcome. It made me realise how small I am in a huge crowd of people. The opportunity of going to different places and meeting new people is amazing. This is also a year of me stepping out of my comfort zone. I love my job in Genemark but with Bei moving on with the 'Quality Managers role' I tried applying for the Research Tech job and I got it. I can't believe I got it. I have no idea why in the world they'd hire me. I try my best everyday to live up to my own expectation. I have high hopes for this job because it feels like for the first time I am doing something bigger than what I am. It scares me a lot and it still does but my blood boils just knowing that there will be answers at the end of the tunnel. I'd feel really brainy one minute and defeated the next. The is a whole wide world to explore and a whole wide universe to discover that's for sure.
2018 - this year I'd say is the year of "I can do better" This year is not even over yet but I have hopes and maybes that I'd like to accomplish. The first half of the year seems dragging with a lot of heavy heart and dramas. Work wasn't roses and daisies, the truth it, it was far from it. A lot of manipulation and power play in place and it just breaks my heart. February, I decided to join the church prayer and fasting and it opened up my heart to pray for my workplace. At first I joined because I want to hear from God. He showed me that I am in that place at that time because he was about to do something in my workplace. Phillip, the Diagnostics manager was gone after a few months. It didn't got any better but recently there is another restructure and it feels like things will go in a turn. M bovis was a huge thing in the New Zealand industry and in my workplace. A "big" thing, yea, let's leave it at that. This year, I also had the opportunity to travel to Japan. I'd really want to go back and visit a few other places I didn't get to go to. One thing I learned from the trip was - I wasn't a great shopper.
So yea, a few paragraphs of my life in a nutshell.
Where is my heart at the moment? -At some point I am very disheartened this year to the point where I could say I was actually depressed. I drag myself out of bed and I continuously cry every night (any time of the day rather). I felt alone and heavy. This tiny cloud left me a little bit but it's still there, a chip in my shoulder that wouldn't go. It feels like I am running in circles but not going anywhere. Is it worry, I wonder? Everyday I feel not good enough for anything. My sense of purpose is diminishing and this is not usually who I am. I am worried that my workplace has taken a toll on me. I don't want to lose my sparkle and happiness because one part of my life is dragging me down. Maybe, just maybe there is more than what it seems to be. I don't want to admit that with my singleness, no matter how happy I am, I'm beginning to be restless. Being restless is never a good thing and how to pass the hurdle of just living is something I want to discover before the year ends. I won't let this feeling drag me down. I opened this blog to remind me of the victories of the past. This is what this blog is all about, the beauty in pain. There is always spring after the cold winter nights. It is always the darkest before the first light. To encourage myself that if God has come through me, He will do it again.
My God then is still my God now.
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