I haven't been blogging lately not because I have nothing to say but because I wanted to keep the thoughts to myself and not share them to the world. I have come to a point where acknowledgement no longer matters. I would like to live simply and refuse drama and negativity.
Nevertheless, I would like to share a snippet of my thoughts today.
My day was intense. I went to bed around three in the morning trying my best to sort out Brian's cake. It was my fault for not sorting it out earlier, nevertheless, I might in the future fall into the same pit of procrastination only because I work too well under a lot of pressure. Also, a fail of swapping rosters for Info team when I suddenly realised the cake was needed around lunch time made my day stressful. I have doubts and my heart isn't there fully thinking of my later commitments within the day, nevertheless, God encountered me in such a way I needed to post a blog about it.
I am so caught up with my life that I am dismissing that ache within my heart. I am longing for something greater than me but I am afraid my time has already passed by. I am no longer qualified to dream and to accept these kind of blessings because I have failed miserably. What I have now is more than enough and God is already very gracious to me. I am not worthy of any of these. I have sinned. I have failed. The disappointments of my life will stay with me and eat me up until my last breath. My regrets are battle scars and my tears are mainstays.
Nevertheless, God reminded me that I do not need to be perfect to be loved. I do not need to change to dream. I do not need to do more than what I should to be accepted. The message this morning at Arise service by pastor Steve is about our life's nevertheless. We can and we will go through life with a lot of regrets but God comes in and sweeps us off our feet with his great promise of life and future.
He discussed jeremiag 33:2-9 and it impacted within me when he said, "you might be working too hard and waiting for a breakthrough, God wants you to know that he has a plan for you and nevertheless of your mistakes in the past God is going to use you mightily in a way that you don't even expect."
He also talked about Simon Peter and the fishermen that after a long day of trying to catch fish they didn't have any and Jesus asked them to lower their nets agains and try to fish. So nevertheless, the were tired and was asked by a carpenter to lower their nets even if they know better they still went for it. Can I be like that? Can i be despited of all the struggles to get here get back and try to lower my nets again? I am amazed how God is trying to encounter me every time I come to church lately as if reminding me of the dreams so hidden inside my heart.
My nevertheless will remain there I don't do anything about it. God made me this way to appreciate His great nevertheless in my life.
