All my senses are trying to tell me "have some rest for you will need it tomorrow." But sleep is well aware of the fear inside my chest it wouldn't succumb to my plea.
I am afraid. No I am terrified.
I feel like a bloke of ice, frozen and petrified.
I have made a decision to face my fear. Hands sweating, feet cold, heart pumping scared out of my wits I am still going to do this. It is now or never.
I never expect to have this courage. I am a thrill seeker but at the same time I try to live cautiously. I want change and to prove to myself that I am not a wimp. That I can stand on my own and do it. That I can overcome struggles and be victorious.
I have been reading John Elridge book "journey to desire" and I realized my desire to be a person who'll step up and step out. This is a "just do it" thing.
Jumping is not the scary bit.It is the stomach lurching pain of knowing things will never be the same afterwards.
Lord, I pray to be safe. You are with me and I will not be afraid.
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