Saturday, July 6, 2013

Lukewarm life

It's been months since I last posted a blog in this page. It is not because I have lost my passion for looking for my happily ever after but only because in these past six months I am in a journey of rediscovering what life truly has to offer. It might sound a little more melodramatic but the truth is I am not so sure myself what it is about finding yourself and knowing what makes you happy.

I am comfortable. I am neither happy nor sad and that concerns me knowing that passion never lies in between. As much in life, in love, or in anything else, we shouldn't be lukewarm. I am concerned that I am becoming passive and just don't care anymore. At the back of my mind I don't want to go with the flow but experience life in a different way. Money isn't everything but you need it to live and that got in the way. I want money. I need money. My passion stopped.

I am not inlove with my job. It is not the greatest of the jobs but it isn't the worst of it either. It was nice, comfortable, not easy but mostly routine. I like it. The consistency of the lab suits my unparalleled thinking.At some point I truly just want to stay in this job and do it forever. Then something happened.

I am now offered a two year fixed term contract and I am very happy about it. Then my friend back in the Philippines suddenly contracted me and told me that my TOR is on its way. I am torn. I have always waited for that piece of paper to help me get through with my life in this foreign land. And now that I am holding it in my hands I am doubtful about what I want again.

I have always wanted to continue my studies and be someone who holds a doctor degree. Call it ambition or whatever but in life some people do want recognition and I would be a hypocrite not to say so. I can always jst do it. The things is.. I am already earning money and quitting my job isn't an option. I like my job more than anything else even if it gives me S*** most of the time. A part time study is an option only if I am studying something that doesn't involve a lot of memorizing and reports. I can totally do it but I am not so sure anymore.

My life is lukewarm. I am neither hot nor cold. I do not know what I want. I am nearly in my thirties and I envy people around me that just loves what they are doing. Or at least they are doing something for a greater purpose other than earning. I plan to live happily. To prove there is more to life than just lovelife.

I have realized there is more to life than just love and career.

I know what the missing piece is and I need to renew my relationship with HIM or I will be a walking zombie like everyone else.

God.

Somehow I realize, it always goes back to Him.

1 comment:

  1. Hmm. This is a hard decision. But I think you should take the two-year job and if after two years you still want to pursue medicine, you should definitely go for it. Maybe ipon ka muna for studies para bawas utang sa StudyLink? :D

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