The beginning of the end

The final send off came in blur. One moment it was alright, the next thing I knew it was over. I've felt the indifference but I couldn't accept it.

This is my story.

My story starts at one ending.

There was pleading, and yes I sounded desperate. There was denial and it felt like a nightmare. There was anger, resentment and bitterness. I was depressed, confused and hurt. Yes, indeed, it was the end.

How I survived the last moments of our relationship I couldn't fully remember. All I knew at that time is that my heart, also, has died.

When it comes to break-ups everyone seems likely to have an opinion.
"Forget about it."
"There are other fish in the sea"
"You deserve better"
"It's his lost."
"Just get over it."

But how?

How do you get rid of the aweful kicked-in-the-stomach feeling? How do you begin again?

I'm in a journey of discovering the onset of my new life. But before I welcome the firstfruits of spring I must toil the hard land Of the past winter.

I am not an expert in moving on but I have a story. I have to admit it's not very engaging especially in the beginning. My story is about endings and sometimes it could be painful.

So where do I actually begin? Oh yes, I must begin with my ending.


*note: I'll be writing it tomorrow or on Friday. My mind is on hiatus that's why I could only come up with a few lame sentences. I would really like to share my diary and the lessons God taught me these past few months so whoever that's reading this hope you wouldn't be bored. =P

The man worth My Wait.

This girl has the same sentiments as me. So here she goes. She couldn't say it better.

An excerpt from I Will Wait For You by Janette..Ikz

I will no longer get weighed down,
From so-called friends & family talks,
About the concern for my biological clock
When I serve the Author of Time.
Who is NOT subject to time,
But I’M subject to Him.
He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…
So if we could role play,
You would be Abraham & I would be Sara
Or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer

I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,
Made up of your rib Adam!
And once we meet, like electrons
I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.
We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.
We were all created in His image,
But you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son.
If I were to explain what you looked like,
You would have to look like a star,
A son of the Son..
I would gain energy simply from the light on me.
I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis
I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you.

I will know you…
Because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
Your faith will remind me of Abraham,
Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
Your heart for God will remind me of David,
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples, But Your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.

But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks, 'cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me, where…
The boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.
Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,
Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.
I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.